Only in My Dreams
by xsufferxbitchx
Summary: His scent intoxicates me more then any drink can, takes me higher than any drug ever could, but only in my dreams.
1. A Dream, Nothing More

To my beta, djq. Even though you had no imput whatsoever, you still helped me :-) To all you, I'm going to post a second chapter, actually the whole story, but only if reviews call for it. I've been asked about a second chapter to "When did you get so hot?" and I say what the hell!

Read on people!

* * *

This office is to small. I feel trapped, except when he's here. When he's here, the world seems right. When he's here, all I can think about are those dreams. Those dreams I wish were a reality. The dreams I wake from covered in sweat, and tingling from the thought of what he did. But that's all they are, dreams. 

I grab my coat, I can't be in that stupid office any more. As I stride down the halls looking at my shoes, I run headlong into him.

"Sorry Gris, I should have been looking where I was going," Is my immediate response.

"It's alright Catherine. Where are you going?"

"Out. I hate my office, it's to small! I feel like I'm suffocating when I'm in there to long."

He smiles, bids me good day, and walks to his office. Funny, when you secretly love someone, everything they do turns you into a fool. As I walk out of the building to my car, all I think about is Gil Grissom. How he smiles, how he talks, how he frowns ever so slightly when he thinks. Even how he… No. No, I refuse to go there. At least now. At least while I'm in public.

God. A beer sounds really good right now.

Sticking the key into the ignition, I drive home. Opening the front door, I head straight to the kitchen, grab a beer, and collapse onto the couch. I'm about to call for Lindsey when I remember her friend is having a three night slumber party. Thank God. I never drink when she's home, and I need to down every beer in this house right now.

Popping the top, I take a sip. Now, I let my mind wander where it will. Sure enough, his face is the first this that comes to mind. I swig more of my beer just at the thought. As his voice floats into my head, I set my beer down. As his concerned expression flits into my mind, my hands fall limply to my sides. As his scent filters into my senses, I become more intoxicated than any beer could make me, higher than any drug can take me. I'm lost. Lost in a wonderful place where everything I need is Gil Grissom, a bed, and assurance my daughter is fine.

I've got it bad.

My mind begins to drift into forbidden territory. Into the places where he really loves me, and our beautiful children smile lovingly up at me. Slowly, my mind shifts to how those children were made, the love, the tenderness.

I'm jolted back to reality by a soft knocking at my door. As I stand, I feel everything I don't want to. I feel my response to my fantasies. I feel my legs quivering as I stand. I feel tears running down my cheek, each blazing a trail, and taking a small sliver of the hope that Gil will love me someday away. As I fling open the door, the object of my every thought is standing there.

My mouth falls open and all I can croak out through my tears is, "Gil?"

* * *

Well? The rating is for later chapters. Please tell me what you think! 


	2. Dreams No More

I'm a sucker, I had to post this today. All attempts by my friends to pursuade me worked. I hope you enjoy, this isn't exactly hard R, but some naughty things are definately implied.

* * *

"Gil? What are you," my words were interrupted by a small hiccup, "doing here?" 

"Cath, you looked awful earlier. I came to make sure you were alright."

With a sigh, I step aside and let him enter my home. His arm brushes my chest as he enters, and it feels like fire when his arm is gone. Why can't I get over him?

As we go into the living room, he eyes the bottles scattered on the table. I smile and shake my head to say I didn't drink them all tonight. This seems to satisfy his curiosity, and he sits on the couch. He looks to me and asks, "Are you alright?"

I want to scream, NO! It's all your fucking fault I'm not alright. If you didn't come to my house every night and fuck up my mind I'd be great. But instead, I just fall into place next to him and say "Fuck" as my head spins. He looks to me with that concerned expression that's been haunting me lately, and gently presses the back of his hand to my forehead. At the contact I groan, loudly. He looks startled, but sums it up to a fever, and he smiles. "Care to share what's wrong?"

I give him the evil eye and mutter, " Not really. No."

He looks surprised, we've been quite open and honest with each other, and if one of us has a problem we discuss it. He opens his mouth to say something, but I cut him off with, "Gil, just fuck off! I don't need to talk about everything that flits into my head! I don't even know why you're here, you shouldn't be. I don't need…" I lose my steam that fast, and I look to him with tears shimmering in my eyes. He takes me into his arms and rocks me, like a mother would a screaming infant.

And I'm in heaven.

His scent surrounds me in a way it never has before. I must be sick, because instead of backing out of the embrace, I cuddle further into it. I sigh contentedly as his arms tighten around me, and I feel like I'm floating on some cloud in the sky. I look to his face and see that his eyes are closed, I have to know, right here, right now, what it will be like to kiss him. Slowly, I lean in, towards his face, and press my lips to his. Nothing invasive, just enough to register what his lips feel like.

As I realize he hasn't pushed me away, I move to kiss him harder, deeper. It's like playing with fire and I love it. I feel him shift next to me, and I'm about to pull away but then I feel his response to my kiss and I melt. Melt further into his arms, and loving embrace. I feel alive, happy, and loved. A combination I've never felt before. I look into his eyes as we pull apart, and see everything I feel reflected back at me. Love, lust, hunger, joy, fear, longing, they're all there.

I slowly make to stand, and his expression changes. He looks afraid, and hurt. I smile, take his hand, and pull him up. He seems to understand that we're going on a field trip, and follows me down the hall, into my bedroom. His eyes go wide as he realizes where we are, and he stops to look around. I smirk at the look of awe he gets while observing my things. I follow the general direction of his gaze, and my heart flutters. He's looking at the picture of himself I have next to my bed. I grin and look at the floor as his gaze falls on me.

A shiver runs through me as he steps nearer. And as his hands come to rest on my hips I look into his eyes. He opens his mouth to ask a question or two, and to put his mind at ease I whisper, "I'm on the pill, and I'm more sure about this than anything else I've ever done."

At my words, he smiles. Slowly, spandex, cotton, and lace fall away, leaving me standing there, nothing on but the radio playing in the background. He looks me over, breathing heavy, and when he meets my gaze, I know I'm in for a wonderfully long night.

* * *

Ah bliss. REVIEW or I won't post the rest of my story... It could stand as is however.... Tell me what you want.   



	3. Tell Me What You Want

I wake in the morning deliciously satisfied and aching in all the right ways. I smile as I look at my lover. I hope he stays. I hope I don't have to dream about this and more, that it becomes a daily occurance. I shudder, suddenly all of my happiness gone, and I wonder. I wonder if he'll stay. I wonder if he did this all out of pity. I wonder if he loves me, I know I said 'I love you' to him a few times last night. 

Gil begins to stir, and I brace myself for the rejection. He wakes slowly, turning to look at me with a puzzled expression on his face. I flush and look away, wishing he would say something. A slow comprehension dawns as he sees our clothes strewn about the room. I can't take the silence, "Fuck Gil, say something!"

He turns to me, expression guarded. Then the mask slips, and he looks sad. My mortification must have shown for when he speaks it's with a tenderness I've never known. "Cath, just to confirm, last night, ah, we, ah, did we…?"

I choke back a sob and nod.

"Then I want you to know, I've loved you for a long time. I wish I'd had the courage to tell you sooner, or even last night… I'm not going anywhere. I love you and I'll be here for you from now until I die."

I look at him, eyes wide, tears running down my face. I can't believe what he just said. I'm still digesting his words when he smirks and says, "Fuck Cath, say something!"

I give a watery smile. "Gil, you can't imagine how long I've waited to hear you say those words." Doubt creeps into my voice, "Do you really love me?"

"Yes."

That has to be the simplest answer given by Gil Grissom. I smile at the thought.

"Catherine, I don't normally do this, make love before the date that is. So do you think that tonight you and I can have dinner?"

I'm surprised, I never pictured Gil as the type to romance a woman. What the hell… "I'd love to have dinner with you."

He smiles, slips from the bed, and then into his clothes. He sees my baffled expression, and explains, "I have some things I need to take care of. I'll be here to pick you up at eight o'clock." As he walks out of the room he calls, "Dress up!"

I slip under the covers, a smile plastered to my face and decide to get a bit more sleep before going to get ready. 

I look at the clock as I wake and almost scream. It's five o'clock, I only have three hours until Gil comes back.

I walk to my closet to find a dress that's fitting. As I search through numerous black dresses, I frown. I can't quite find the right one. My mind jumps to the gorgeous dress one of my exes gave to me. I smile happily, it's perfect.

At precisely eight o'clock, a knock at the door make me look away from the mirror. I call out, "It's open!"

"Catherine?"

"I'll be there in a minute."

I can almost feel his anticipation. I look myself over one last time. Hair done in an elegant twist with curls falling at perfect angles. A small gold heart pendant that Gil gave me for Christmas last year is hanging around my neck. A black dress that falls to mid-thigh, thick off the sholder straps that make an X across my chest covering in just the right places, and the odvious implication that I'm not nearly as modest as most people think. 

I smile, take a deep breath, and walk to the living room. I cough slightly to draw his attention away from the bookshelf, and he spins around. His reaction is what I was going for. His jaw drops, and he makes a few inarticulate sounds in his throat. This is one for the records, Gil Grissom left speechless. 

"I believe the words you're searching for are, 'Fuck Catherine, You look good!'" I smirk, excited to have impressed him.

"You do love… Damn do you… Ah, shall we be going then?"

"Yes, we shall." 


	4. A Proposal

"Close your eyes." 

"Gil," I whine.

"I have a blindfold."

"Then you'll be using it," I quip. I understand he wants it to be a surprise, but it still makes me rather annoyed. Then I can't think. His hands are deftly tying the blindfold around my head. Then his hands slide lower, and lower still, until they snake around my torso making me moan out, "Fuck… Oh, Damn it Gil!" His fingers carefully withdraw, and I'm filled with loss, and a longing.

I hear a door open, and fingers gently press into the small of my back, guiding me. I move slightly when Gil withdraws his hand, telling me to stop. I can't hear anything, feel anything, until he seems to understand, I need the contact, and he gently entwines our fingers. I sigh contentedly as the floor moves beneath my feet, and I realize we're in an elevator. When we stop, fingers gently lead me toward the exit.

"Open your eyes."

I whip off the blindfold to see the most breath taking view of the city. I turn my head and see a candlelit dinner for two is set, and I turn to Gil, smiling. "I can't believe you went to all of this trouble! It's beautiful." He smiles nervously, and gestures to the table.

The meal was delicious, and the wine was excellent. I'm glad the Gil knows me as well as he does, but the again seven years of friendship can do that. I open my mouth to speak, but Gil is nowhere in sight. I stand and spin, my dress whirling around me, and… there he is. He looks sick, I'm about to call to him when he sees me. He smiles, walks over, and says "sit".

"Damn it Gil, I'm not a dog," but I sit anyway.

He pulls his chair in front of mine, takes a deep breath, and slowly begins to speak. "Catherine, for seven years we've been friends. You've told me things I don't think you've ever told anyone else, and made me say things and tell you things I would never tell anyone. After about four years, I began to fall in love with you. Now… now… I know what it's like to have you in the most intimate ways, and I don't want to give that up, give you up. I love you, Catherine Willows, would you do me the honor of becoming my wife?"

I sit in stunned silence as I process what I've just been asked. When my brain finally does manage to process it, all I can do is stare. Do I really want this? Would my daughter be happy to come home to find that I was engaged? How would we handle the situation at work? What would we tell everyone?

What am I thinking about? I've been waiting forever for this!

"Yes, Gil. I'd love to be your wife."

He takes out the most beautiful ring I've ever seen, and slips it on my finger. An emerald. Only he would know that. Only he would know that this is the one stone I wanted on my engagement ring.

"Gil, this is perfect! I love it, I love you." My voice softens on the last words, and I smile, "Now honey, lets go home. I need to be with you."

He smiles, "To Oz then Dorothy."

* * *

Well? Please R&R, or no more story. For the next chapter, lemons, limes, or should I stay the hell out of the fruit bowl? If you have no clue what that means it's... graphic sex (lemons), non-graphic sex (limes), or no sex (stay the hell out of the fruit). I need your opinions!!!!!!!!!!!!! 


	5. Show all, tell all

I seriously hope the sex doesn't bother you people to bad! It's not that descriptive, and yet it reveals so much. Read on!

* * *

On the way home, it was all I could do to keep still. When we finally pull into my driveway, I get out of the car, grab his hand, and lead him into my home. Down the hall, into my bedroom, it was taking to long.

Shutting my door, I move to kiss him, but he backs away, grabbing my hands, and pinning me to my bed. "Patience is a virtue, my dearest Catherine."

"You're an ass, Gil," I moan as he dips his head to brush our lips together.

His hands are reverent as they remove my dress, and slide lower to take the last bit of my clothing off. My whole world has become confined to this room, this bed. His hands move in delicate circles, slowly toward the one place I want him to be. As his hands reach their goal, he murmurs into my ear, "Yes. I know you're ready Cath, I can feel it. Just let go." And I do. Screaming loudly to the night.

As I come down from my high, he fills me. Quiet sounds of pleasure turning to loud moans of want. When moans reach a crescendo, he collapses onto me, and I grin lazily. As we drift into a contented sleep, he quietly says, "Catherine, I love you. I adore you. All I want is you, for an eternity."

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

I wake in the morning deliciously drowsy, and happier than I've ever been. I turn over to be face to face with my lover. I feel like I could fly, I getting married to my best friend, my daughter… This jerks me out of my laziness, and I scramble out of bed. I hear Gil call my name, damn, I didn't want to wake him.

Slowly, I turn to face him. "What's wrong Cath?"

"Nothing's wrong. I just realized I have to go get Lindsey from her friends house before she starts wondering where I am."

"Oh, I was wondering where she was. I'll come with you. I know she's your daughter, but are you going to tell her?"

I ponder this for a moment. Should I tell her right away? She'll no doubt notice the ring, who wouldn't, it's fucking huge. Resignedly, I sigh and nod. "I suppose I'll tell her. She should know. At least then she can vent on both of us if she's upset."

He smiles his agreement, and slides out of bed, walking to the bathroom, giving me the best view of something I shouldn't be concentrating on right now. I groan and shake my head to dislodge that thought, and set about getting dressed.

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

On the way to pick up Lindsey, I nervously grip the steering wheel. I don't know what to say to her. I turn to Griss and give him a questioning look. "Just let her figure something's out for herself. I have no doubt she'll notice the ring. I also haven't a doubt that she'll ask where you got it. Let her start the conversation Cath."

I cast him an evil look, "For someone who says he knows nothing about children, you sure as hell seem like you do."

"Well, after we're married, Linds will be my daughter too."

I grow quiet and contemplate this. Linds has always wanted another dad, someone she could look to for fatherly advise, and I see no one better than Gil Grissom.

As we pull up into the driveway of her friends house, Lindsey is half way out the door. I don't bother to get out of the car, I just unlock the trunk, and let her put her things back there.

The back door opens and in she climbs, "Hi Mom! Uncle Gil! How cool! Are you staying for dinner? Mom is he staying for dinner? Can he? Oh please? It would be so much fun! OH! Like what we did at Cass's house! We watched movies…."

I smile at Gil who smiles back as my daughter rambles on and on. A sudden question catches my attention, "Mom, where did you get that rock on your finger? It's beautiful! I didn't know you were seeing someone!"

I look to Gil, who nods encouragingly. "Well, baby, I got this 'rock' from Gil. We're getting married."

* * *

TBC... Now that you've read please review! PLEASE! 


	6. Can we try again?

Bliss! I decided to post this today. This chapter is for Zelda's Baby Girl for reviewing so faithfully, you need to email me girl! Also wanna say thanx to Winx (you know who you are) for being a great friend through this thing with my dad, I don't think I could have made it through this without you! Oh also wanna say !Hola! to Tigger, Diana, and Sara (think spanish class ladies)!  
Read On people!

* * *

Linds looks stunned, "You…… and Uncle Gil?…… Married?… This… this is so cool! When did you get engaged? Are you having a huge wedding? When do we start planning?…" 

I sigh and look to Gil who also looks relieved. Pulling into the drive of my house, Lindsey still rambling on, I get out, and grab some of her stuff out of the trunk, and head for the door. I walk to Lindsey's room with a spring in my step, her reaction just made my day. "Honey," I say to my daughter, "Put your things away, then we all need to talk."

"Ok mom. What do we need to talk about?"

"Some things, but young lady, I will remind you, this needs to stay a secret. And, don't start asking questions, we'll explain in a little bit."

"Alright."

I walk to the kitchen, where Gil is standing, looking uncertain of what he should do with himself. I grin and plaster myself to his chest, moving my hips gently against his. His groan is soft, but I hear it, I feel it. I mould our mouths together, kissing deeply. When we break for air he moans, "Fuck, Cath, don't do that! It's bound to lead to something that I don't think you want your daughter to witness."

"But you taste so good," I pout, and without hesitation, I lean in and kiss him again.

From the doorway, a giggle is followed by, "Get a room!"

Gil and I jump apart like two guilty teenagers. My daughter grinning all the while. "So, _mother,_ what are we gunna talk about? Cause you know I know all about.."

"Yes," I quickly head her away from anything that has to do with sex, "I know that honey, that's not what we're going to talk about."

"Oh, Ok."

We all head to the living room, which I had the sense to clean up a day previous, the day of my date. When seated I look to Gil to see how he wants to start this, and he begins, "Lindsey, I'm very glad that you're happy with our engagement, but we really want to keep it a secret for a while longer. At work…."

As Gil talks, my mind jumps to when I found out I was pregnant with Lindsey. An alarming thought is triggered from that, What if… What if I'm pregnant? Would Gil still want to be with me? Would Lindsey still be alright with our marriage? What if something goes wrong? Fighting the urge to throw up on the floor, I bolt from the couch, and run to the toilet.

Two concerned voices follow me, and the caring, concerned face of Griss is the first thing I see when I look up from the toilet. I manage an incoherent sound before I lean back over to puke the rest of my guts out. I feel a large hand rubbing soothing circles on my back, and a voice telling Lindsey to put some blankets on the couch, and find a bucket of some sorts. When little feet are heard running away, I sit back, moaning. "Sweetheart," Gil murmurs, "What happened back there? Are you sick?"

"Thought… might… pregnant," I garble, and I tilt my head back over the toilet as I feel sick, this time I simply bring up air, there's nothing left in my stomach.

Gil patiently waits for me to sit back, and asks, "You thought you might be what? I didn't hear the last word."

My mind is somewhere else, it must be, I manage to splutter, "Pregnant." Before I break down in his arms and cry. He holds me tight, and I hear Lindsey come back. "Mom, are you ok? You didn't look sick earlier. Do you want me to get you something?"

I just sob even louder. I hear Griss say something about looking for crackers. Then I feel strong arms lift me up and carry me into the living room, setting me on the couch. I hear him walk away, and make a noise of protest. "I'll be right back Cath, I promise I won't leave you alone."

In the kitchen a conversation is going on, and I can just barely make out the words.

"Dad, is that ok if I call you that?"

I don't hear a response, he must have nodded, because Lindsey continues, "Dad, I'll go back to… Can I go to Sara's house?" That makes me smile slightly, her and Sara have always gotten along.

"I'll call her and see."

I hear a phone being picked up and numbers being dialed, then, "Sara? Hi, it's Grissom…. No I'm at Catherine's…… Yes, that's where I've been for the last couple of days…. No, she's not feeling well… Yes, Lindsey's here. That's why I'm calling. Can she come stay with you for awhile?…. That'd be great… Ok… Uh-huh… Right, see you in a few."

"Annnnnnnnnnnd?"

"Yes, Lindsey. She would be thrilled to have you stay over for a couple days."

"Ok, I'll go get my stuff ready."

Footsteps echo in two separate directions, and a hand gently rests on my forehead. "When she's gone, we need to talk, ok Cath?"

"MmmmmHmmmm…"

"Be right back."

I hear a horn beep out in the driveway, and Lindsey comes into the room. "Hey Mom, I'll see you in a few days. I hope you feel better. Oh, I won't tell Sara about the wedding, I promise." With that I hear the front door shut, and a car pull out of the drive.

Gil comes back to my side, and gently says, "Now that we're alone…" And sweeps me into his arms, "Now, tell me what you meant in the bathroom."

I start crying again, silent tears that blaze a trail down my face, "Do I have to?"

"Yes."

I sigh, and his fingers softly wipe away my tears, then I begin, "I thought about how I had learned I was going to have Lindsey, and that made me think… I might be pregnant. Then I felt sick because…. Because I thought you would leave me if I was pregnant."

"Cath, Nothing would make me happier than to have a child with you." His voice is gentle, reassuring, "You said you were on the pill, how could you get pregnant?"

"You have to take one a day, or the effect wears off. I didn't take one the morning after our first night together, and we… we made love the next night."

"If it really bothers you, if you really need to know, we could go buy a kit, but it wouldn't work very well, since we only might have conceived baby last night."

"So, you won't leave me?"

"Never. Cath, do you remember what I said to you last night?"

"I heard 'I love you' a few times."

"No, just before we fell asleep I said, 'I love you. I adore you. I want to be with you for an eternity."

I smile happily at my lover, and gently whisper, "In case baby wasn't conceived last night, can we try again later?"

* * *

TBC... Please Review!  



	7. Baby Names

If you don't like lemons and limes stay out of the fruit bowl people! Since this chapter involves something akin to a lemon, but not that descriptive, let me know whatcha think!  
Authors Prattle: I really have no clue where this is going, since I kinda decided that the chapters I had written weren't good enough!

* * *

"Gil… oh yes… since we're… OH GOD!… I take… right there…yes… you want a baby?" 

"Yes."

"And here I thought you just wanted me for my body, not the whole family deal." I hiss slightly as Gil slams me up against the wall in my kitchen.

"I like the whole package, not just your…… fuck yes!" I smirk as he loses the ability to speak. I let my hands drift lower, until they cover a certain portion of his anatomy that is begging to be touched. Out of no where, I'm lifted so my ass is firmly planted on the kitchen counter. His lips find that one spot on the side of my neck that makes me go wild, and I groan out, "Fuck Gil!"

This time it's not slow and gentle like the last few times. It's hard and fast and oh so sweet. His fingers graze down my sides, and land right on the one spot I need him to be, "Gil, don't stop, please don't stop! Fuck Yes! Gil… I'm… I'm…" The last coherent thought I have is that the neighbors will be wondering what on earth I get up to.

When I finally regain enough sense to look around, I notice we're still in the kitchen, and Gil is slumped against my shoulder breathing heavy. I giggle drunkenly and murmur, "The makes my room, the living room, the bathroom, the hallway, the entryway, the guest room, and the family room. I don't think Lindsey would want us in her room, so I think we've done the whole house."

He lifts his head to stare at me, and, in a very sexy French accent, asks, "Was madam's experience enjoyable?"

"Can this Madam have that 'experience' whenever she wants it?"

"Most definitely," He keeps with the French accent, "I enjoy pleasing you."

"Gil?" I question him gently.

"Mmmm, yes love?"

"Thank You."

"For what!" He sounds indignant.

I giggle like a little kid and say, "I think we made a baby."

He looks thoughtful for a moment, then, so softly I can hardly hear him, he says, "Claudia Jean."

Claudia Jean. Claudia Jean Grissom. CJ Grissom. I smile happily, "Claudia Jean. It's beautiful."

We fall silent for a few moments. "Jonathon Chase," I announce.

"It's perfect."

He lifts me off the counter, and I twine my legs around his waist. Setting me gently on the bed, he climbs in beside me. "Are you comfy, Cath?"

"Mmmm."

Gil switches off the lights, and wraps his arms protectively around me. I smile contentedly , and snuggle further into his embrace.

For several minutes we lay in silence until I can't take it any more, "Gil, I don't think it's broken."

In response, he snorts loudly, "I never said you would break it, I just said it needs to be left alone after long periods of use."

That makes me giggle shamelessly, and through my laughter I manage to choke out, "You are… such a dirty old man!"

"But you love me anyway."

"God help me I do."

"Save the 'I do's' for the wedding day love."

"M'kay. G'night."

"Night Cath."

"Gil, Do you really want this baby?"

"Yes, Cath. More than you'll ever know."

* * *

TBC... Please Review! I want to know, should Catherine get pregnant? Or should baby be conceived on the Honeymoon? 


	8. Shout it to the world

Hey!  
I wanted to say thank you to the people who have given helpful hints, this chapter is to you with love.

* * *

Last night, Lindsey came home, and she helped Gil and I come up with a plan of action. We've decided to wait to tell everyone at work until the ring gets noticed, but considering that the people we work with are paid to notice things, that will take ten minutes max. Now, as I walk into work, I'm consumed by fear. What if everyone hates our plans?

"Hey Cath!"

"Oh, hey Warrick," I shove my hands into my pockets as I speak.

I can't do this.

"You feelin' better? Grissom said you really weren't well. I just can't believe that he took all that time off to take care of you. Did he say anything interesting?"

"Oh… A few things, and before you ask, no, I won't tell."

He just smiles and walks away, shaking his head.

Maybe this won't be so hard after all. But then, I had to go and underestimate the god of chaos. Sara looks like she could spit venom, and it would land all over me.

"Hey Sara," I jog to catch up to her, I really don't want her pissed when we tell her about our… engagement, "Thanks for letting Linds stay with you, I know she really enjoyed it."

"Fuck off."

"Sara, what's wrong?"

"You know I'm still not over him. Why not get whoever gave you that rock your trying to hide to take care of you!"

Before I can stop it I say, "He was."

When she finally registers what I said, she reeled away as though I had slapped her. As she stalks away she snarls, "Fuck you bitch. Go, and go far, far away."

I can feel my heart sink all the way to my feet, and I go. I go right to Gil's office.

Shutting the door behind me, I turn to my lover with tears spilling down my face, "Oh god Gil! I can't do this! She knows!"

His arms wrap protectively around me, "Who knows?"

"Sara," and just her name makes his entire body tense.

"Cath, we should tell them… Now."

"Now is…" I stop myself from saying something awful, "Good… Now is good."

One arm around me he lifts the phone and works his magical mouth… Bad train of thought for work. The message on every phone is the same, "Food. Our place. Be there in ten."

He helps me pull myself together, and we walk silently to his truck.

"Listen Cath. I know this might be a bit difficult for you, but remember, these are our friends. They might not love the idea, but they'll stand by us no matter what."

When we arrive at our place, I climb out of the car, my mind focused someplace it definitely shouldn't be.

"Ready?"

I nod, take a deep breath, and walk inside. Everyone is at our usual table, and they must have ordered for us because our plates are the only two not touched.

"Hey Cath! Hey Boss!"

"Hi Greg," we both say it in unison, and I look to Gil with an amused smile.

"So Boss," Greg continues, " What's the meeting all about?"

From the chair I just pulled up, I look at Gil. Very subtly he twists his left index finger around his right ring finger. I get the hint and place my neatly folded hands on the table. No one really notices the ring, but Greg turns to take a drink. The noise he makes is indicative of someone choking, and everyone turns to look at him.

"Greggo, what the hell?"

He points directly at my hands, and they all stare in amazement.

Warrick is the first one to say something, "I can't believe it! You're getting married? Who's the lucky bastard?

Gil clears his throat and says, "Ah, that would be me."

The cheers that erupt at our table could bust out windows, and cause buildings to fall. I can finally release the breath I've been holding, our friends are happy for us!

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

The only person we haven't heard a peep from is Sara, not really a surprise of course. My daughter's voice snaps me out of that train thought.

"So does this mean that I can tell my friends now?"

"Yes, You can tell your friends now."

"Cool!…… Mom?"

"Hmmm."

"Do you, like, love Uncle Gil, er, Dad?"

"Of course. I'm certainly marrying him for the money, and I wouldn't marry someone if I didn't love them."

"Have you and he… uh… you know?"

I have to smirk at this, "No I don't know. Picked out my dress? Discussed a date?"

"Picked out your dress," is uttered extremely quick, "Like what color is it?"

"Stop like-ing. No I haven't picked out my dress yet. I was going to call Sara, but she needs some time before I ask her to be involved."

"Does she still love Dad?"

I smile as she refers to Gil as Dad, "Yes."

"That sucks."

"Mouth."

"Sorry, That _stinks. _Maybe she should start dating again, Nick likes her ya know."

"I do know. And I do believe he would be good for her, but she needs to give him a chance. Now, enough. Children under the age of 18 need to be in bed by ten thirty, go get going."

"M'kay. Night Mom."

"Night Punkin."

"When dad gets home, tell him I said good night."

"Okay," As she moves into her room, I look down at the ring on my finger. I just can't believe I'm getting married.

I hear a car door slam, and my front door opening. I softly call, "Hey honey!"

And to my surprise a female voice says, "Who you callin' honey?"

* * *

Please RR! I need someplace to go next chapter! 


	9. A startling revelation

Finally! Thanks for having so much patience, I was just having a horrendious time with this chapter. Any way, I might warn you, this chapter containts referance to femslash, so don't hurt me. Also, any imput as to what you wnat in the next chapter can be emailed to me, and I'll try to work it in along with my ideas!

* * *

"Sara?" It's a statement and a question all in one.

"Hey," Sara says quietly, moving to sit on the couch with me.

I smile uncertainly at her. I reach for her hand, and she smiles, taking my fingers and admiring my ring.

"Beautiful," She breaths. She gently releases my hand and looks out the window, "Cath, you know why I was jealous, don't you?"

I nod sadly, and lightly brush my fingers against her cheek, "Sara, I know. I'm not trying to make you feel bad, and I'm certainly not trying to make what we had seem unimportant, it's just… When you left, I felt so alone, so cold. I couldn't ever imagine loving someone the way I had loved you," She turns to look at me when I say this, with love etched onto her face. And I continue, "Then when I started to… to dream about Gil, my feelings of friendship for him turned to something so much more, and I couldn't help it, I couldn't fight it. And when I knew that he felt the same, I wasn't going to abandon that, I couldn't. I've finally started to feel again Sara, after a long year I can finally feel," I break off, tears coming into my eyes.

"Cath," She begins, "I still love you, but if you're happy with Gil…," Her statement goes unfinished as the headlights of Gil's car flash through the window.

Sara quickly makes to stand, and I reach for her hand murmuring, "Stay."

She sits down silently, and looks at me questioningly. I sigh, and ask, "Sara, Do you want to tell him? I think that he should know, it might explain…"

"Cath! Who's here? There's another car in the drive and…" Gil comes around the corner stopping suddenly as he sees Sara on the couch next to me. Of all the people to be here, Sara wasn't the one he was expecting to see.

She looks at me and nods while saying, "Hi Gil."

He looks puzzled, but returns the sentiment, "Hey, Sara."

"Come sit down Gil. We all need to talk."

Moving slowly, he sits in the chair across from the couch, looking from one of us to the other.

"Gil," I begin, "What we're going to tell you starts about two years ago…"

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

In the morning, I wake up on the couch. Sitting up slowly, I look around for an explanation, when suddenly, the events of last night come flooding back into my mind.

Telling Gil about Sara and I, how violently he had reacted, how he had… My hand flutters to my forehead, and I feel the giant bump from where he had hit me.

I remember Sara leaving after that, I don't know why. And Gil… what did he do? Where did he go? A voice from behind me makes me jump, "Mom? You ok?"

"Linds, what are you doing home," I turn to face her, but the whole room is spinning all of a sudden.

"It's Saturday Mom. I heard all the yelling, but I didn't know what it was about so I stayed in my room. After it sounded like everyone had left I came out, and you were passed out on the couch. I put a hot cloth over your forehead, and then I made you take some aspirin. Do you remember any of that?"

I'm reeling as the realization hits that my daughter heard that huge fight, "N-no, I don't sweetheart."

"Maybe I should call Warrick? Or do you want me to call Un- Dad? I only ask because it sounded like he was really pissed at you last night," She looks at me worriedly, "Mom what happened?"

I cough lightly, and the slight movement of my head causes pain to shoot against my skull, "You remember how me and Sara…?"

"OH! You told him? Why?"

"Sara was jealous. Needed to…" The room was spinning again, and those little dots on my eyes can't be good… "We needed to…," and I fell back into the cushions, darkness enveloping me.

* * *

A/N- I hope it was worth the wait... NOW REVIEW! If you want to keep me on track with this, try emailing me periodically, I'm easily side-tracked by other projects :-)  



	10. Hush Sweet Catherine, Don't Cry

If this chapter sucks, blame the Queen CD I'm listening to. I hope that I can finish this story in one more chapter, and be warned it MIGHT, I'll repeat that, it MIGHT not have a happy ending. More than likely it will, but hey! You never know...

* * *

When I wake this time, I hear Lindsey talking to someone. I know his voice, but I just can't place it. My head is throbbing again, and reaching to touch the source of the pain, I feel a baseball sized lump on my forehead.

"Damn girl, what happened?"

I move my head to the side and see Warrick sitting next to me. Slowly, I raise myself to a sitting position, and croak, "Lins… Linds didn't tell you?"

"No. She just said that you needed me bad. I came over as fast as I could, and she was walking out the door as I pulled up. Sara took her to your mom's house, so it's just you and me."

"Aspirin?" I ask hopefully.

"Sure thing. Don't move, I'll be right back."

As he walks away, I silently thank Lindsey for not calling Gil. I don't know what would have happened if he had come back. Hell, I don't even really remember what happened when he was here last night. I hear footsteps, and look toward the doorway to see Warrick.

"Here Cath."

Greedily I gulp the pills down. When I finish, I happily say, "Thank You, War."

"No problem," for a few moments he falls silent, then he tentatively asks, "What happen to you girl? Why isn't Grissom here to take care of you?"

I look up with tears in my eyes, "I was so sure he would be different, that he would never hurt me. Last night, we… Sara and I… told him about our relationship-"

"I thought you broke up."

"We did. It's just that… Sara still has feelings…" I break off, looking out the window, then to Warrick.

A slow realization dawns, "He hit you?"

I sob, and fall against his shoulder. He gently strokes my back as I cry into his shirt, whispering words of comfort into my ear.

When I pull back, I flash him a watery smile, "I'm glad you're here."

"Anything you need Cath. Just say the word, and I'll do anything for you."

I look hesitantly at him, "Warrick?"

"You heard me, anything."

In a tiny voice I murmur, "I think I'm pregnant."

His eyes get huge, but he asks, "Do you want me to call the doctor?"

"You'd do that?"

"Yes, do you want me to?" I smile up at him, "Please?"

"Ok"

As he disappears into the kitchen to make the phone call, I realize how luck I am to have a friend like him. I doubt that the doctor will be able to detect a baby, but going would make me feel so much better. I know what would truly make me better… I hear a ringing, and looking at the coffee table, I realize that it's my cell.

Lifting it to my ear, I timidly say, "Hello?"

"Cath? You sound awful."

My spirits lift at the sound of his voice, "Gil?"

"Yes. I just called to say I'm sorry that I hit you."

"Oh," I hold back my tears, "Do you want to come over here?"

"Ah," He sounds a little uncomfortable, "I'm going away for awhile. I'm at the airport right now actually."

"Oh, ok…… I'll see you soon?"

"Ummmm… Yeah. Bye Cath. Take care of yourself," With that he's gone, and part of me thinks he might not come back. But that's just stupid.

A small cough draws my attention to Warrick, "Who was that?"

I stare at him for a minute, then, "Nobody important."

His smile is reassuring, and he begins to tell me about my doctor appointment.

* * *

A/N- I think I have one more chapter left... Now I'm not so sure... Please Review, I take criticism happily :-) 


End file.
